Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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