Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
