new low.... made out with someone while peeing
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
