I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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