I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
