my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
