i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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