I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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