first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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