Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
