i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
