when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
