She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
