I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
