nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
