Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
