I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
