angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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