forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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