I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
