I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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