I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
