You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
