youre lurking in front of me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
