Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
