holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
