My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
