Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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