If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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