College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We are all done wearing pants today
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
