left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
