erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
