Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
