Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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