You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
