I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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