we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
