There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
