someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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