You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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