Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
