dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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