i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
