I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If I die, sorry about rent.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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