high people should be assigned attendants
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Enjoy the penises
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
