My hand turned me down
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
