ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
