Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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