we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
