Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
