ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
