How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
