if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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