What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
