You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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