need another drink. this is the easiest way
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
