Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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