five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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