Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
