is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
