are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
