he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
