I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
