My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Even my vagina gasped.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
