I bet he comes in French.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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