Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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