Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
