Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
