you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
