Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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