I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
love makes seman taste better
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
