I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
