how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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