what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
