So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize