Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
