lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
