He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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