I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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