from now on my penis is your penis
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
