evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
And then he peed in my hair
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